Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
