Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me