i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
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Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.