Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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