How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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