smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
