they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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