it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Holy shit dude........stairs
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
