i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
