im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
