if you like me you must not know who I am
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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