What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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