addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
