I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
