well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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