No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
