meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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