I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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