Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
