I will die if light touches me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
