I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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