'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
