What did we do last night that was yellow?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Randomize
