I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
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This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"