i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship