Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Even my vagina gasped.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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