Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life