My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
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he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
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Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬