It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
