hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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