census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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