Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
