Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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