My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Farmville is her only friend.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
