oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
