Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
