I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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