Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sorry about my life...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
