I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
