your parents love me but you hate me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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