About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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