Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
