it wasn't lemon gatorade
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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