Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
