Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
