By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
