Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
