Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
