Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
