We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
