and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
