How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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