Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
