I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
