Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
