Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
