please come you make the beer taste better
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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