Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
