I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
