Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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