It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
