So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
