ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
