I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
