I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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