So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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