everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
