If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
