um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
