just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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