i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
