How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
