Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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