Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
